Welcome to the Refine Blog

Engaged Couples: You Might Be a Bully if….

Listen y’all. Maybe the Wedding Pro that is sharing this post in their stories right now is too nice to say it, but I’m here to shout it. Ready…? Because I’m full on Enneagram 8 in this blog. Bullies don’t deserve the niceties of my w7.

You might be a bully if:

🤡 You’re asking for refunds on … checks notes… NON-REFUNDABLE things you signed up for.

No, your wedding pros cannot “just rebook the date”. It’s not about the date. It’s about bandwidth. Whether the wedding pro lifted a finger during your contracted time together or not, the retainer reserves their bandwidth to serve you when you both agreed you would be served, 2 months from now, 8 months from now or just on the wedding day. Maybe they only take 10 weddings a year and they’ve turned 4 people away since booking you as their 10th.

Staffing is also a nightmare (no thanks to bullies running them off) so there are boundaries on moving things around, and just as you would say no if your boss asked you to return ANY portion of your paycheck for any reason, so will your wedding pro. You’ve never made a mistake in your job? You’ve never turned down another job thinking this one would be your dream position? You’ve never been burned out in a job? You’ve never been paid for something you didn’t honestly deserve? The irony here is that this can be the case, yet you’re still asking for refunds that you also don’t deserve. If there is a breach of contract or yes, bad services beyond the state of the industry, have the conversation. My point is BE FAIR!

And yes, we see you “canceling” your wedding, asking for a refund and then posting pics of your wedding online. Or telling us whatever viral sob story is going around the bridal Facebook groups. It’s like the flavor of the week. We aren’t dumb. But clearly, someone needs some “how to lie 101” training. If you can sleep with yourself at night, so be it. But don’t fight me when I call you a bully. Just own it.

🤡 You scope creep and throw a tantrum when there is a fee.

Defined as: asking for things you never intend to pay for. So when you ask for a service or product that is not in your current contract, and your wedding pro responds with a helpful spirit of “Sure! We can totally do that for you, here is the cost…” you can be cool and say yes, OR be the bully that accuses them of nickel and diming you. You do realize your dentist (bookkeeper, masseuse, home builder, et al) would say the same thing, right? Why do you not treat us like humans and business owners?

🤡 You refuse to follow the process or meet deadlines and then blame us for the stress or bad results.

When you spend 10s of thousands of dollars hiring experts and 1. think you know better or 2. assume your friend that got married ONE time knows better, you may as well throw all them dolla bills in a fire pit. I don’t care if you are Queen Elizabeth, the President or J-Lo, you still have decisions to make, things to approve and deadlines in which to do it. When you don’t, things fall apart. I could write an entire blog (or book, really) on this. But as someone that has nothing to gain or lose by sharing any of this with you, can you just hear it? Can you just absorb that maaaybe, just possibly what I’m saying here is for your benefit? We were much nicer about this before 2020, but no, you are not the only person with a lot on your plate. You are not the only person planning the most special day of their life. You are not the only person spending six figures and there are probably people spending triple. It doesn’t matter if you spend 5k or 1m, there is a process for a reason. If you do hit a wall, or do face something unexpected, no worries… just communicate it, we can work with that. But we CAN’T work with you going dark or MIA. And you will get fired, without a refund.

On that note… soft touch for a moment… I’m a believer that there are two reasons for not following a process: 1. controlling personality or 2. subconsciously questioning the marriage. #1 has a huge record of turning into a bully and #2 just makes things more complex, making it harder to make decisions. I’ve talked many many couples through # 2. I’m not a therapist, but I do have loads of heart (I’m telling you, I do have a w7 that lights UP with heart and empathy) and your wedding pros are MORE than happy to lend an ear and have a human to human check point. We know you can’t tell your friends and family. We are here for you and happy to point you in the right direction for proper counsel. We would much rather know you need to hit pause than wonder if you’re even alive. Please don’t be embarrassed, we have these conversations ALL.THE.TIME!

🤡 You social blast review boards.

As if leaving a bad review isn’t already a gut punch to any wedding pro, especially when 90% of them are related to my last point (cough cough… not our fault), now you’re bringing your whole wedding party, your dog, aannnnnd your 3rd cousin twice removed into the Yelp boards? This only makes one person look bad and it’s not the wedding pro you’re blasting. We actually get moooooore leads when things like this happen because people see how professionally it is handled. Take your energy to the gym. Walk a shelter dog around a lake. Punch a wall. I don’t care what you do, just keep moving. I hear parents aren’t supposed to tell non-parents things like “someday you’ll understand” which means same goes for old married folks telling engaged couples “your wedding is NOT the best day of your life” but there… I said it. It’s only the START of so many more best days. Like who wakes up and says “you know, I think I want to try and ruin someone’s livelihood today”… over your own high emotions? Valid emotions or not, it’s bullying. Unless you can prove they are a mess for every single client and that all their other 5 star reviews are bots, go die on another hill.

🤡 You let your mothers literally yell at us.

I don’t care who is who or who is paying for what or what family dynamics are at play. Not our circus, not our monkey. Make it stop.

🤡 You Send an email on Wednesday night at 10pm and follow up on Thursday at 8am because we didn’t reply in our sleep.

You would * think * this wouldn’t require elaboration, but clearly it does. All the same, I don’t have time because instead of one email, I now have two I need to go read so I better get going.

I could go on and on with many examples of abuse we’ve started to experience in the last two years. Point blank: you have forgotten how to behave. Period.

I know you hate the staffing. I know you hate the supply shortages. I know you hate the response times. I know you hate the lack of excitement and energy from your wedding pros. I know.

We hate it too.

And for those of us that are still standing, we are only here because we were business savvy when the world shut down, which means we will continue enforcing our policies (the ones you agreed to when engaging our services) from now till kingdom come lest we too bite the dust and not be available when your date rolls around, leaving you with a much bigger problem. Clear is kind. Boundaries are kind. Sustainability is kind. 

You don’t have to like it. But take it or leave it, this is 2022 and we do not go above and beyond for bullies. You are last in line, the answer will always be no, and you will continue to not like your experience. We are running on fumes, but any fume there is left to give will go to the precious kind humans. Our hearts BREAKING for them that it can’t be the red carpet experience of years past.

You are in control of your experience. Don’t be a bully.

(And yes, it goes both ways, and I absolutely have those conversations with wedding pros too. But this is a conversation I’m having with you.)

Engaged Couples

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

The best form for keeping things on track & PROVING to your clients that you did, even the PITAs.

Get my free Wedding Day CYA Checklist